


Future without you

by katychan666



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Malec, angst... kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:11:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Magnus finds himself thinking about future without Alec in it, and he absolutely hates the idea, it breaks his heart when he thinks that one day Alec is going to leave him as well. Luckily, Alec is there to calm him down just a little bit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of out of my character to be writing something like that  
> It was a long day at the university and I guess I just wanted to vent out my frustrations, which ended up with me writing something more angsty... kind of?

Future without you

 

It was a lazy Saturday morning, both Alec and Magnus still in bed, laying next to each other, both feeling far too lazy to actually get out of the bed. On the second hand, they had nowhere important to be, so they were just spending the time with each other in silence, enjoying each other's presence. Magnus had his head placed on top of Alec's chest and was smiling as he continued to listen to the Shadowhunter's slow and calm heartbeat. The younger man's chest was slowly lifting and descending, his fingers buried into the warlock's locks and he was lazily playing with Magnus' hair by gently tugging onto his hair and wrapping his locks around his fingers. Magnus' eyes slowly closed themselves as the Shadowhunter continued to do wonders against his scalp and he almost purred at that moment; it felt so good and he wished that they would be able to spend all of their time together like that; without demons or any other dangers from the Shadow world.

 

Magnus slowly looked up and grinned when he noticed that Alec was staring right back down into his eyes and he then buried his face into Alec's bare chest, pressing few kisses here and there, all over the other's chest, up to his neck and then he placed a final kiss against his boyfriend's temple, before he placed his head on the previous spot and a smile brightened his face when he felt Alec's strong hands wrapping themselves around his body, holding him close and the only thing that warlock could really do was to melt right against that warm embrace. He knew how much Alec loved cuddling with him, so he wasn't all that surprised when he felt Alec's lips against his own forehead and the warlock just allowed his eyelids to flutter shut once again and he chuckled when he felt Alec's soft lips kissing all over his face, from his temple, down his eyelids, nose, cheeks and then finally the younger male pressed a soft, but long kiss on top of Magnus' lips and the older male couldn't help but to hum into their kiss.

 

The warlock took his lover's hand into his own and then brought both of them up, placing their hands together on top of Alec's chest and before he linked their fingers together, Magnus made sure that he kissed Alec's every finger. He earned a low chuckle coming from the other, which sent shivers up his spine and Magnus' heart fastened just a little bit. He looked up at Alec again and bit down onto his lower lip when he saw the look in his eyes; Magnus always found himself feeling weak towards Alec's intense looks. Then, his heart suddenly became heavy with feelings and he had to look away.

 

God, how much he loved Alexander and he knew that he was loved in return just as much. He never questioned the Shadowhunter's love for him; he knew it far too much that he was one of the most important people in Alec's life and so was he. Honestly, he couldn't think of a life without Alec anymore, he didn't want to. Before meeting Alec, Magnus thought that he would never find love again, but now that he had, he was afraid. He knew that Alec was going to leave him one day, he would be left behind, just like he always had been so far. However, up until now, he somehow managed with people coming into his life and eventually leaving it. After meeting Alec, that had changed. He didn't want anyone to take him away. He wasn't afraid that Alec might leave him for someone else, but the time was a cruel thing... it was just ticking away and Magnus knew that he had to make their every day together count, he didn't want to take anything for granted. He was afraid; after so many decades, he was afraid again of being alone. He didn't want to be alone, it just hurt too much. Pain crept into Magnus' chest and he gritted his teeth.

 

Magnus didn't even know it when, but when he stopped thinking, he found his eyes to be burning and his vision became blurry. When he blinked, he was surprised to see that his face became wet with tears. He didn't hide the tears from Alec's eyes, he just buried his face into the other's chest again and held him close as he fought back new tears. He didn't even know what had come over him. Magnus wasn't really the type of person who'd cry a lot. “Shit,” he then cursed and started wiping the tears away.

 

Alec didn't notice Magnus' tears right away, because he still had his eyes closed and was just enjoying the coziness of the bed and the warmth of Magnus' body surrounding him so much that he didn't bother opening his eyes. However, when he suddenly felt something wet against him and as Magnus started shaking in his arms just a little bit, he quickly opened his eyes, his eyes widening when he saw that Magnus appeared to be crying. He quickly lifted himself up into sitting position and lifted Magnus with him as well, placing his hands on top of Magnus' shoulders lightly. “Magnus, what's wrong?” asked Alec, utterly shocked to see his boyfriend in that state.

 

Magnus, who was still looking down, shrugged and wiped new tears away and sighed. Honestly, he didn't know with that answer to provide Alec with; even he didn't know it why he had gotten so sentimental and emotional all of the sudden. Crying like that was really out of his character and before that, he had never shown his crying face to his boyfriend. Furthermore, he couldn't even remember when was the last time that he cried in privet as well. “I don't know,” whispered Magnus and slowly lifted his face up when he felt the warmth of Alec's palms hugging his face, letting out a soft chuckle.

 

“Did I do something?” asked Alec, even though he couldn't remember doing anything that would hurt Magnus so much to make him cry.

 

“No, it's not your fault, darling,” said Magnus softly and sighed. “I don't even know myself why I started crying all of the sudden. I was stupid enough to start thinking about future, without you in it,” started explaining Magnus and watched how the Shadowhunter's eyes widened just a little bit. The fact that Alec's body stiffened up as well didn't get unnoticed from his eyes. 

 

“Why would you want to think about something like that?” asked Alec carefully. 

 

“I don't know. I said that it was a stupid thing to do,” said Magnus softly and bowed his head again, his chest tightening. “I've loved a lot of people so far and I've lost every one of them. If death didn't take them from my arms, then they grew tired of me and ended up tossing me aside,” said Magnus. “But every time that that happened, I was able to heal, I was able to get over them. I needed some time, but I knew that I was going to be okay. But now, if I even try to imagine life without you, then-” started Magnus, his voice trailing off as his lower lip started trembling just a little bit. “It hurts, too much. If I lose you, I know that I won't be able to get over you, never. I love you too much, Alexander.”

 

Magnus' words got him right to the core and he swallowed thickly, clearing his throat and he tried not to give into his emotions as well. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about that; he had found himself thinking that more and more lately. Magnus watched people that he loved die; they were all taken away from him and that was unfair. The fact that that was going to leave Magnus one day scared him as well; he didn't want to leave Magnus completely alone. On the other hand, he wanted the other to be happy, to find love again when he would be gone. Alec's eyes started burning as well and he swallowed back his tears, biting into his lower lip and he let out a hitched breath.

 

“I don't want a future without you as well,” choked out Alec and his lower lip started trembling. “I want to be with you forever and I am quite aware of the fact that your definition of forever is very different from mine,” said Alec and then leaned closer to Magnus, who was again looking down. Magnus was always honest about his feelings and emotions in front of him, but that was the first time that he had seen Magnus so vulnerable and he didn't like it. He wanted to see Magnus smile around him, he didn't want to be the main reason behind Magnus' tears. 

 

“Promise me you'll never leave me,” whispered Magnus. He knew that asking for a promise like that was completely irrational and pointless; he knew that it wasn't in Alec's hands. But at that moment, he didn't care for that. Even though it would be a lie, he needed to hear those words from Alec; he was desperate to hear that.

 

“Magnus, you know that I can't-”

 

“I don't care,” said the warlock softly and looked down, shaking his head. “I don't care for any of that; I just need to hear that,” he said and looked up at his boyfriend. _“Please.”_

 

When Alec saw Magnus in that state broke his heart; the way that he spoke sounded completely broken and shattered. His heart broke as well and he wrapped his arms around the older male, pulling him tightly closer to himself and the Shadowhunter gritted his teeth, cursing silently. He hated lying, but he just couldn't deny Magnus from getting what he wanted; it would kill him if he didn't say those words. 

 

“I promise to never leave you,” whispered Alec as he held Magnus close, the warlock's heart swelling with pain and yet, he felt calm somehow. The way that Alec said that made him almost believe that. Alec then pressed a kiss on top of Magnus' forehead as he pulled back just a little bit. “I'd be a fool to ever leave your arms,” said Alec and kissed Magnus nose. “I love you too much,” giving Magnus' lips a soft kiss. “You'll be mine,” another kiss to the lips. “And I'll be your. _Forever._ ”

 

“God, Alexander,” whispered Magnus and smiled through his tears. He rested his chin on top of Alec's shoulder and closed his eyes. “What are we going to do?”

 

“Make sure that every little moment counts,” whispered Alec and finally allowed the tears to wet his own face as well. “That... and hope for the best, it's all that we can do really.”

 

“Yeah,” added Magnus and a small sob left his lips when he felt Alec shaking in his arms as he silently cried into his shoulder. 

 

 


End file.
